What to think?

I just found out earlier this morning, like, before dawn, that one of my really good good friends who's practically like a brother to me...he talked to my guy yesterday. All I got from him was that my guy asked him something personal, like guy stuff or whatever, and my friend promised him that he wouldn't say anything to me about it. I wasn't trying to get anything out of my friend, he just randomly yells (pretty much literally) random thoughts whenever they come around...and he thought of my guy...so he told me they talked about guy stuff and that's all he told me. Well...he did also tell me that my guy still loves me, so that's a good thing. I told my friend that I love my guy too, and "as long as he doesn't end up damaging himself, I'm okay." Then I asked him if he thinks my guy could possibly end up damaging himself with whatever he's doing, and my friend says "I can't say. If he kills himself, that's him." When I tell him that's not cool, he says "Oh, don't worry about him."

Yeah. The man you want to marry might kill himself, but don't worry about him. It's okay.

Not what I needed to hear, you know? I mean, I know he gets into a lot of shyt, but seriously. You had to go and mention the possibility of losing him?

I'm surprised I didn't start crying with the thought of losing my guy when my friend said all that. Seriously. Not cool at all. I'm already having to look for a job (still...again...whatever...), find out wtf is wrong with my car (long story, I think it might be in my Myspace blog...), worry about my mother because either a) she's becoming senile, which I don't believe but it's possible, b) the medicine she takes for her degenerative disc disease deal in her neck is killing away her memories, which it says is possible on the lable, or c) something else is going on in her head that's driving her crazy and she's not fessing up to it, but either way it's driving ME crazy...and now I have to worry about the man I really would love to marry going off and killing himself. Now...I knew pretty much when I met him that he gets into some deep shyt sometimes...but I never thought I'd have to sit back on the fvcking sidelines and wait while he possibly ends up dying somehow. I know the only way I would find out is through either his ex or one of like three mutual friends of ours...most likely his ex. I would HATE to find out through her of all people. Talk about driving someone insane! I would end up telling her a LOT more than she needed to know, and she would either kill herself or try to kill me, I'm not sure. I know the least that would happen is she would never speak to me again, which really...I wouldn't mind too much. I would still find a way to RP with her, though...even if only to see how she is.

Speaking of RP...I reeeeeeeally need to. I know I'm not on my RP name while I type this, but I will be when I'm done with this. I might also make another blog for my characters. Heh, I already thought about that before I started this post. :oP

BLAH ON YOU! That's pretty much the color of my brain barf recently...the color of disgruntled love, as I see it. Only disgruntled because I feel super awkward sitting on the sidelines playing the waiting game with myself.

I hope this all ends well...