I guess I get it...

Okay, so everything about this entire thing with me and my guy...well...we got everything settled, to say the least.

My girl friend came over last night and picked me up after "my guy" and my brother-friend had a little battle through text messages.
Making a long story short, my brother-friend came over the night before to talk to me while I was a bit emotional, and then took it upon himself to "set 'my guy' straight on everything" which I did NOT ask him to do. The way he did it, he fucked everything up.

THEN, my girl friend tells me that "my guy" told her he never proposed to me. That was straightened out quick because that right there hurt me. He says it was because the ring he gave me meant something to him and he was hurt that I lost it, then asked me why would I have taken it off in the first place. I told him the truth, that we were looking for something in my brother-friend's car, and the size of the design on the ring had me constantly taking it off if I had to squeeze my hand in some tight spot, like between a car seat and the console between seats. I put it in my bra thinking it would be safe there, cuz nothing goes on in my bra that I don't know about. Well, somehow the ring slipped out without my noticing it. We all think it ended up in the trash, thanks to my brother-friend.

Well, my girl friend had told me on the phone that she's having feelings for this guy, and the guy told me a few times that he'd started having feelings for her. I don't know how much I like the idea of them getting together, much less seeing him doing to some other female some of the many things I loved about being with him, and I said that at the lake last night, where we went to talk this shyt out. What I got back was the guy asking me if I wanted to keep him from happiness. Of course I don't, but I thought he was happy with me...at least he told me he was.

I also told him after everything was straightened up as much as it could get, that with the way things were unclear before had me feeling like my heart was a play toy. He told me he didn't mean it to seem that way and he didn't want me to be hurt by any of this. He said that's why he went about it the way he did. Then I told him that honestly, I'm tired of sugar coating shyt and trying to spare someone's emotions for one's own. I said if he would have just come out with it instead of trying to dance around bushes, I probably would have understood a lot more of the story a lot quicker.

He also elabored a bit more on that little dream he had, and more that he's had since. He said that not only does he know a bit about who was meant for me, but that he knows I will be happy with the new guy.
He said "trust me" and I do...I guess I have to.
Obviously, I don't have the tools to change my own future.
I think I do in my head, but when I go to use them, they turn into other tools that are completely unfit for the job at hand.

I don't know what I'm gonna do without him....
I mean I know I'm not gonna be without him because I'm completely cool with being friends with him...I just don't know how I'm gonna handle him being with my phuckin girl.
As far as I'm concerned, and I did mention this at the lake, she's like a sister to me, and I would never date anyone my blood sister has dated. That's completely off limits for me. I thought that if any girl had any respect for herself, she wouldn't even consider being with one of her girl friend's exes.
But she told me she was starting to have feelings for him.

This shyt is KILLING ME!

Like, I might look okay on the outside, but inside I'm phucking ROILING! My blood is literally boiling over this situation.

SOMEBODY PLEASE TRY TO HELP ME FIGURE THIS NEXT LITTLE DILEMA OUT!
I've mostly done the breaking up when it comes to my past boyfriend's...except for twice. BOTH TIMES, my boyfriend was someone I could see myself being with. Someone I actually reeeally liked. Yes, I've been engaged 5 times now, but the only one I really will have trouble getting over....is this last one. The other guy that broke up with me did it because he's white, his parents are racist, and I'm half black and half white. That one, I didn't get too broken up over, even though I still kinda had strong ass feelings for him.
This one...is gonna kill me.

My brother-friend is pretty good with reading palms, right. Well, I asked him to read mine the night before last because there's a dent in my lifeline. I don't know where the hell that came from, I hadn't seen it before this year...well, he looked at my palm and said that he saw complications with a friend, that Carissa and I were basically gonna butt heads pretty bad pretty soon.
I think this relationship issue might be the reason.

Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore. I have a massive headache and all my thoughts are tangled up.
I talked to my brother-friend when I got home early this morning, though. For one thing, I had to ask him about some guy that "my guy" said my brother-friend told him about. Said that my brother-friend told him that one night at my house, he had fallen asleep or some shyt, and this other guy came in and we left for a bit and came back smiling. Turns out he was ONCE AGAIN bringing up this time where one of his gay friends came over and fell asleep on my bed and I drew a pretty graphic picture of a penis on his knee with the word "PAENIS!" under it with the organ squirting on the word. Either while I was doing that or before I did it, another guy came over. This was the guy in question. I couldn't remember anyone coming over to my house by the description "my guy" was giving me, the description my brother-friend gave...so I asked my brother-friend and he cleared it up a little. I remember who that other guy in question was, and from the description my brother-friend gave, it was the guy in "my guy"s dream of me, the one meant for me. When I found out who this guy in question actually was....HELL NO! I would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS date that guy! I told "my guy" that I was about to kill myself if that was the guy in his dream. He understood cuz he knows the guy in question.

Okay, I'm gonna end this one now...before I type out a novel here. I might add more later.