Talk about a major update. Where do I begin?
Oh, wait...I don't need to begin anywhere. He broke up with her! My guy broke up with my girl friend. Honestly...I don't know if I wanna stay friends with her.
According to him, she's talked shyt about me behind my back. According to me, I lost TONS of respect for her when she got together with him.
I also kinda lost a little bit for him...even though it didn't seem like it here. Just the fact that he thinks he needs to be with whoever he's staying with.
I asked him if he's ever heard of a room-mate without the mating part. You know, a roomie? Something like "Hey, I'm happy with who I'm with right now, I just need a place to stay. Can you help me out? I know you're her friend and all, and I'm really happy with her, I just need somewhere to stay for a while."
I asked him if he'd thought about that and he had no answer. NOTHING to say to it...well, he did say "Yeah, I understand..."
He said that a lot. Like one time when I said how much I hated seeing him with what was my best friend, he said he understands. I said "No, I don't think you do. Picture me getting with your best buddy and hanging all over him in front of you." THEN he understood....when the feeling is made personal.
Don't get me wrong, everyone thinks we're a cute couple, even people we'd never seen before, strangers in our eyes, think we're a cute couple or that we should be together or whatever. My own sister said she never thought we'd break up. I told her almost everything that happened with the break-up and all that, and she said she lost respect for him, too (she never liked the girl, though), but she gained back most of it when he broke up with the girl.
To be honest...I was there to pick my guy up from where he was and helped him move out of the girl's place. xD
Unfortunately, that leaves him moving back in with the ex he lived with when we went out. He pretends to like her, too.
I know some of you reading this now might have just said "Oh, shyt, dude's a playboy, girl. He's only out to play with womens' emotions, play with what he has to his advantage, and when something better comes along, he's gonna play that shyt out, too!" Or, at least, something like that. To be truthful, he's not. My sister is really good on pegging and marrying good couples. She got at least 4 couples I can think of together, and at least 1 or 2 of them are with child. She said we should get back together.
My mom hasn't liked 99.999999999999999999999999% of my boyfriends, and she actually liked this one.
I don't know. But I do know I still have strong feelings for him.
He said he ran some tests on me and I passed them all with flying colors.
Now it's my turn to test him.
I want -- no, need -- to know whether or not he's really capable of being really true and loyal to one woman. I mean, I know he doesn't do anything with the girl he's staying with. They both tell me this.
Heh. And, that sick and twisted pleasure I got from being between my guy and that girl friend...yeah. That's grown by like 20 times it's own size since I first recognized it...and that was when they started going out. Now it's huuuuuuuuuuuuge, and fun! We get to both torture her for what she's done to the both of us. Really, he opened the door to that hell house, but whatever. He gets to give her hell for treating him like scum and making him feel low and shyt, and I get to give her hell for treating him like scum and ignoring my simplest of wishes to NOT SEE THEM ALL OVER EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF ME! Not to mention the fact that she forced him to move too fast with her (they were "engaged" and planning a "hand-fasting" aka wiccan wedding ritual within the first month of living together) and was a hypocrite the entire time (saying she didn't want to do something one minute then turning around and inviting people over to do that very activity the next minute, and saying she wanted some alone time before inviting people over).
I could go on and on about the shyt that happened...it's okay, though. Me and my guy got together 3 times while he was "with" her...because (and I'm sorry if this is TMI for some of you, but...) she couldn't get him off like I can. She did absolutely NOTHING for her in the sexual arena. She was trying to play, but she was off in the stands somewhere trying to fight while I'm right next to him on the main floor battling it out.
I thought that was the best little tidbit of news from their relationship.
She even told him one time after trying and failing, that "[he] should probably get someone who can make [him] cum."
Bwaahahahahahaahaahaahaahaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway. I'm gonna end this here before I go on any further...because I only had 2 solid hours of sleep yesterday, then no more than maybe 30 minutes at a time after that. I stayed awake a loooottttt. SHE's actually the reason I got woken up from my solid slumber. She called me around 7:30ish AM after she woke up, and I hadn't gotten to bed until 5-something AM. It didn't really hit me until about 5-something AM (which is about 4 hours ago as I type this)...so I'm sorry if no one really followed this blog too well.
Sorry! ^_^
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
How much longer?
I don't even know! I do know that Independence Day SUCKED! Well, it was okay up until the tornado watch...you know, where they actually at least saw a tornado. Just before the finale! Man...it started raining all hard and stuff, it was SO FUN watching the fireworks in the rain...up until the tornado watch.
In other news, my guy and I are kinda getting closer, but I don't know how much longer I can take this game of his. I asked him just Saturday if he'd ever heard of room mates without the mating part...like roomies...and I said I couldn't grasp why he thinks he needs to be WITH the person he stays with.
He had no answer for anything on that subject.
He was feuding with my girl friend all that day, though. Back and forth between arguing and cuddling. I swear if she doesn't get her shyt together and figure out whether or not she wants to be with him, I'm gonna make that decision for her the way she made it for me...even though I'm extremely unhappy with that...she can bite me if she's unhappy with it.
She should stop trying to punish me for what her friend did, taking her husband away from her.
I don't know how much longer I can handle this. Seeing them together, cuddling and shyt, it's driving me NUTS! I told him that Saturday, too. He said welcome to his world. HA! Phuck your world, baby, I'm crumbling inside AND out...he's just crumbling inside.
I'm guessing that, according to his game, he has to maintain a strong exterior to keep the illusion that he loves her. He fessed up a few times Saturday that he loves me...and one time even said he's still "in love" with me....not just he loves me, he's in love with me still. I'll tell ya, he surprized me at one point with a peck that knocked me for a loop. Man. Heh, then I surprized him with a more sensuous "peck" to the ear and neck...the way I used to make him melt. He called me evil for it and I said "You're evil, can I not have a little fun, too?" Bwahahaha...
If he wants a game...game on...I can play...I just don't know if I can compete....with him, that is. Maybe I don't want to compete. I don't know. I just know I want HER to PHUCK OFF and give me my man back. I never stopped loving him, I never climbed out of the love I fell in for him, and I don't think I can ever stop loving him. I honestly think he is the one for me...she's just in the way right now.
I guess all the conflict we didn't have in the first four months is coming back on us...because this is a HUGE hurdle to jump.
I mean...I know he loves me, he tells me all the time, and he does have a point when he asked me how often we see each other now and how far away we are from each other. When we were actually together, he lived all the way across town and we'd see each other like 5 or 6 times a week....now he lives right around the corner and we see each other every day. The seeing each other every day is partially due to me being so insistant on coming over or hanging out with them now. I didn't hang out with my girl friend this much before or even while going out with him. Now that SHE's with him, I'm insisting on being there every day. Yes, I'm only going over there and hanging with them for him. I will deny it up and down and diagonal and sideways to her, but he knows. She has an inkling, too...I'm pretty sure that he told her about that when they were arguing Saturday morning, because that afternoon she brought it up. Whatever.
Despite all that, I have to trust him. He asked me to that night...I do trust him, I just don't know the rules to his game. I love him too much to not trust him. He just has to realize that it will tear me up from time to time, and I might get a little cranky about it, or depressed, or some shyt, but I still trust him deep down. As long as I love him, I will trust him. That might be one part of what's killing me. Having to trust him, and having to watch her get all over him like they were the best lovers in the world. Truth is, she can't get him off...unless he thinks of me.
Heh...there's that sick and twisted and near sadistic pleasure I get from being between them. She might not think I am, he might only half way realize that I am, but I know I am. He doesn't love her. She thinks she loves him, too, but she will never love him like I do. Just because she gives him a place to stay doesn't mean shyt in this case.
She also has NO clue what she's doing in the relationship. She admitted it right in front of me. She said she's not perfect, she doesn't know what she's doing, she needs help, all that shyt. I think she needs to break off every intimate relationship she has with ANYONE and get some therapy to help her in that ball park...because she needs it. Therapy, counseling, head shrinking, something like that. Then, she can re-evaluate what she wants to do.
I honestly think the father of the baby in her belly should come back...I think they should be together. I know my guy said he would say he's the father if anyone asks, but he doesn't want to. Anyone who knows the two of them will know that this baby is NOT my guy's baby.
He's just painting himself into another corner like he did with his last room mate slash ex girlfriend. She was the exact same way. She had two kids, the latest of which she claimed was his...and it's not. Many many pieces of evidence pointed to another man, not my guy, including the chick yelling out the real father's name during birth.
In those moments, no lie can be uttered by the birthing mother.
He's just setting himself up for more disaster. He doesn't see it. He sees it as a sacrifice he has to make to be closer to me. I told him I'm sacrificing, too. He asked what I meant and I told him that I can't show the affection I want to show because of her...I can't do what I want to because of her...and that's a huge sacrifice with me in this regard. I want to hug him, hold his hand, kiss him, wherever the feeling arises...and I can't because of her. She's my phucking BEST FRIEND and I can't do what I want to and fully be myself around her, because she stole my phucking man. She doesn't even know him, really. I know him more than she does, and I will always know him more than she does unless she actually uses the brain she brags about having to figure him out. I know more of what he likes than she does. I was with him for about 4 1/2 months solid. She's only been with him for around 2 months now.
I'm already sick of this game, even from just thinking about it. I'm gonna go play a better game called somehow rip the heart out of a willing victim. ^_^
In other news, my guy and I are kinda getting closer, but I don't know how much longer I can take this game of his. I asked him just Saturday if he'd ever heard of room mates without the mating part...like roomies...and I said I couldn't grasp why he thinks he needs to be WITH the person he stays with.
He had no answer for anything on that subject.
He was feuding with my girl friend all that day, though. Back and forth between arguing and cuddling. I swear if she doesn't get her shyt together and figure out whether or not she wants to be with him, I'm gonna make that decision for her the way she made it for me...even though I'm extremely unhappy with that...she can bite me if she's unhappy with it.
She should stop trying to punish me for what her friend did, taking her husband away from her.
I don't know how much longer I can handle this. Seeing them together, cuddling and shyt, it's driving me NUTS! I told him that Saturday, too. He said welcome to his world. HA! Phuck your world, baby, I'm crumbling inside AND out...he's just crumbling inside.
I'm guessing that, according to his game, he has to maintain a strong exterior to keep the illusion that he loves her. He fessed up a few times Saturday that he loves me...and one time even said he's still "in love" with me....not just he loves me, he's in love with me still. I'll tell ya, he surprized me at one point with a peck that knocked me for a loop. Man. Heh, then I surprized him with a more sensuous "peck" to the ear and neck...the way I used to make him melt. He called me evil for it and I said "You're evil, can I not have a little fun, too?" Bwahahaha...
If he wants a game...game on...I can play...I just don't know if I can compete....with him, that is. Maybe I don't want to compete. I don't know. I just know I want HER to PHUCK OFF and give me my man back. I never stopped loving him, I never climbed out of the love I fell in for him, and I don't think I can ever stop loving him. I honestly think he is the one for me...she's just in the way right now.
I guess all the conflict we didn't have in the first four months is coming back on us...because this is a HUGE hurdle to jump.
I mean...I know he loves me, he tells me all the time, and he does have a point when he asked me how often we see each other now and how far away we are from each other. When we were actually together, he lived all the way across town and we'd see each other like 5 or 6 times a week....now he lives right around the corner and we see each other every day. The seeing each other every day is partially due to me being so insistant on coming over or hanging out with them now. I didn't hang out with my girl friend this much before or even while going out with him. Now that SHE's with him, I'm insisting on being there every day. Yes, I'm only going over there and hanging with them for him. I will deny it up and down and diagonal and sideways to her, but he knows. She has an inkling, too...I'm pretty sure that he told her about that when they were arguing Saturday morning, because that afternoon she brought it up. Whatever.
Despite all that, I have to trust him. He asked me to that night...I do trust him, I just don't know the rules to his game. I love him too much to not trust him. He just has to realize that it will tear me up from time to time, and I might get a little cranky about it, or depressed, or some shyt, but I still trust him deep down. As long as I love him, I will trust him. That might be one part of what's killing me. Having to trust him, and having to watch her get all over him like they were the best lovers in the world. Truth is, she can't get him off...unless he thinks of me.
Heh...there's that sick and twisted and near sadistic pleasure I get from being between them. She might not think I am, he might only half way realize that I am, but I know I am. He doesn't love her. She thinks she loves him, too, but she will never love him like I do. Just because she gives him a place to stay doesn't mean shyt in this case.
She also has NO clue what she's doing in the relationship. She admitted it right in front of me. She said she's not perfect, she doesn't know what she's doing, she needs help, all that shyt. I think she needs to break off every intimate relationship she has with ANYONE and get some therapy to help her in that ball park...because she needs it. Therapy, counseling, head shrinking, something like that. Then, she can re-evaluate what she wants to do.
I honestly think the father of the baby in her belly should come back...I think they should be together. I know my guy said he would say he's the father if anyone asks, but he doesn't want to. Anyone who knows the two of them will know that this baby is NOT my guy's baby.
He's just painting himself into another corner like he did with his last room mate slash ex girlfriend. She was the exact same way. She had two kids, the latest of which she claimed was his...and it's not. Many many pieces of evidence pointed to another man, not my guy, including the chick yelling out the real father's name during birth.
In those moments, no lie can be uttered by the birthing mother.
He's just setting himself up for more disaster. He doesn't see it. He sees it as a sacrifice he has to make to be closer to me. I told him I'm sacrificing, too. He asked what I meant and I told him that I can't show the affection I want to show because of her...I can't do what I want to because of her...and that's a huge sacrifice with me in this regard. I want to hug him, hold his hand, kiss him, wherever the feeling arises...and I can't because of her. She's my phucking BEST FRIEND and I can't do what I want to and fully be myself around her, because she stole my phucking man. She doesn't even know him, really. I know him more than she does, and I will always know him more than she does unless she actually uses the brain she brags about having to figure him out. I know more of what he likes than she does. I was with him for about 4 1/2 months solid. She's only been with him for around 2 months now.
I'm already sick of this game, even from just thinking about it. I'm gonna go play a better game called somehow rip the heart out of a willing victim. ^_^
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Man, oh man...
What the hell is wrong with this?!?
I know...
For starters...the other day, I believe it was Monday..."my guy" kissed me...three times...while my girl friend (his girlfriend) was still at work. I was babysitting for her, which I absolutely don't mind to do because her daughter is a joy to be with and even moreso to watch!
But man, the first one was a bit of a shock. I saw it coming about 10 seconds before it happened. We were outside smoking a cancer stick and he brings up the fact that, while I'm there, all he wants to do is jump my bones, kiss me, hug me, hold me, hold my hand, some kind of physical contact. Then he looks around and kinda side-steps behind the corner of the breezeway at their apartment...and says how he loves side-stepping. I smile and he says it again, putting emphasis on side-stepping...I'm like "hint hint!" and side-step myself, then he peeks around for show and leans in to kiss me....it lingered, it was sweet, like we'd never done it before...ahh...
The second time, I believe we were inside...a dream is mentioned, then a connection gone wrong in his head happened, and he stood up to walk past me. I thought he was just gonna walk past me, mentioning how he's compelled to save these females that come up to him asking for assistance in what-the-phuck-ever they talk about...he stops in front of me, takes the back of my neck, and meets me half way in a kiss that nearly blew me away...when he pulls back he says something about how he only wants to save me...in that voice that makes me meelllttt.....
The third time...we were back outside, and I'd ducked back in that little corner between railing and door, behind the corner of that breezeway...hell, it's comfortable. He looks around all dramatically for show, says something I can't quite remember because that last kiss was sssoooo dreamyyy....
I've fallen HARD for this man.
I can't climb back up...frankly I don't want to...
The ONLY thing is that he's still with my girl friend! Oy vey!
Am I crazy or stupid or vulnerable or anything like that for still loving him? I didn't do anything to deserve the break up, and he knows this. He KEEPS bringing up how he can't stand the fact that he even did it to begin with...
How he realizes he made the biggest mistake he's made in a lloooonngg time...
I think it's flattering. I'm wearing him down, big time!
Friday, "my guy" and my girl friend and I went out to see her friend's band play at a local little venue...Saturday, we went to a night club inside a hotel here. I thought I looked nice Friday, and I did (I wore what I wore on the night "my guy" asked me out), but my girl friend outshined me as usual. Saturday, even though she outshined me again, I was still looking niiice. We both kinda had corsets on, even though mine was technically a line bra...and semi-see-thru...lacy...nice. I wore a see-thru shirt over it, but seeing as it was black-on-black, you couldn't really see anything. I had the top button of the shirt undone all night, but when we got back to their place (because that night club was dull as hell), I undid a second button. I was hot, man! Burning up, nearly sweaty...you know that nice little sheen of sweat that makes anyone glisten? Yeah, that. With the second button undone, it helped a little bit....you could also see the top of the line bra. I thought it was sexy...
Let's just say he complimented me that night. ;o)
I have more up my sleeve, by the way...
Hopefully I can go over there later today, like...when she's not there. See how well he can restrain himself with just me there, alone with him...
If he kissed me three times within like, an hour...heh...
Sorry, I'm feeling slightly vengeful against my girl friend for actually snagging my man, no matter how much they both thought they might be meant for each other...I don't care about that shyt...I just want him back.
He asked me yesterday why it's so easy to fall in love with him. Asked me why I fell in love with him. I told him first off that I fell in love with him back in 2005 when we worked together at the haunted house where we first met. I can tell he liked that answer because of the "aww"s I got. But my first reaction was ".......uhh heh....wow...." because it was a shock! The first thing he said to me on the phone was "I have a question..." I said "I might have an answer..." and he said "Why did you fall in love with me?" That was a complete shock. He said the question isn't against me, because all these females keep falling for him. He wanted to turn whatever it was off...he also said he didn't want to turn it off for me, just for everyone else.
My second reaction to that question was "Well, for starters, you're gorgeous!" Because...well...he is! But that's not entirely why I fell in love with him. That's just the first and most obvious reason that popped into my head. He's gorgeous. Next up is that he has an amazing sense of humor. Then, he's extremely easy to talk to, so outgoing, courteous and caring and respectful (to those who deserve it...if you're cool, ya know, easy going, not out for drama or anything)...so many reasons why I love him so much.
When we get back from eating, my mother and I, I'm gonna call/text him and see what's up for the day...see if I can't bop on over there for a while...
For now, though, I'm gonna end this before I make it too long.
I know...
For starters...the other day, I believe it was Monday..."my guy" kissed me...three times...while my girl friend (his girlfriend) was still at work. I was babysitting for her, which I absolutely don't mind to do because her daughter is a joy to be with and even moreso to watch!
But man, the first one was a bit of a shock. I saw it coming about 10 seconds before it happened. We were outside smoking a cancer stick and he brings up the fact that, while I'm there, all he wants to do is jump my bones, kiss me, hug me, hold me, hold my hand, some kind of physical contact. Then he looks around and kinda side-steps behind the corner of the breezeway at their apartment...and says how he loves side-stepping. I smile and he says it again, putting emphasis on side-stepping...I'm like "hint hint!" and side-step myself, then he peeks around for show and leans in to kiss me....it lingered, it was sweet, like we'd never done it before...ahh...
The second time, I believe we were inside...a dream is mentioned, then a connection gone wrong in his head happened, and he stood up to walk past me. I thought he was just gonna walk past me, mentioning how he's compelled to save these females that come up to him asking for assistance in what-the-phuck-ever they talk about...he stops in front of me, takes the back of my neck, and meets me half way in a kiss that nearly blew me away...when he pulls back he says something about how he only wants to save me...in that voice that makes me meelllttt.....
The third time...we were back outside, and I'd ducked back in that little corner between railing and door, behind the corner of that breezeway...hell, it's comfortable. He looks around all dramatically for show, says something I can't quite remember because that last kiss was sssoooo dreamyyy....
I've fallen HARD for this man.
I can't climb back up...frankly I don't want to...
The ONLY thing is that he's still with my girl friend! Oy vey!
Am I crazy or stupid or vulnerable or anything like that for still loving him? I didn't do anything to deserve the break up, and he knows this. He KEEPS bringing up how he can't stand the fact that he even did it to begin with...
How he realizes he made the biggest mistake he's made in a lloooonngg time...
I think it's flattering. I'm wearing him down, big time!
Friday, "my guy" and my girl friend and I went out to see her friend's band play at a local little venue...Saturday, we went to a night club inside a hotel here. I thought I looked nice Friday, and I did (I wore what I wore on the night "my guy" asked me out), but my girl friend outshined me as usual. Saturday, even though she outshined me again, I was still looking niiice. We both kinda had corsets on, even though mine was technically a line bra...and semi-see-thru...lacy...nice. I wore a see-thru shirt over it, but seeing as it was black-on-black, you couldn't really see anything. I had the top button of the shirt undone all night, but when we got back to their place (because that night club was dull as hell), I undid a second button. I was hot, man! Burning up, nearly sweaty...you know that nice little sheen of sweat that makes anyone glisten? Yeah, that. With the second button undone, it helped a little bit....you could also see the top of the line bra. I thought it was sexy...
Let's just say he complimented me that night. ;o)
I have more up my sleeve, by the way...
Hopefully I can go over there later today, like...when she's not there. See how well he can restrain himself with just me there, alone with him...
If he kissed me three times within like, an hour...heh...
Sorry, I'm feeling slightly vengeful against my girl friend for actually snagging my man, no matter how much they both thought they might be meant for each other...I don't care about that shyt...I just want him back.
He asked me yesterday why it's so easy to fall in love with him. Asked me why I fell in love with him. I told him first off that I fell in love with him back in 2005 when we worked together at the haunted house where we first met. I can tell he liked that answer because of the "aww"s I got. But my first reaction was ".......uhh heh....wow...." because it was a shock! The first thing he said to me on the phone was "I have a question..." I said "I might have an answer..." and he said "Why did you fall in love with me?" That was a complete shock. He said the question isn't against me, because all these females keep falling for him. He wanted to turn whatever it was off...he also said he didn't want to turn it off for me, just for everyone else.
My second reaction to that question was "Well, for starters, you're gorgeous!" Because...well...he is! But that's not entirely why I fell in love with him. That's just the first and most obvious reason that popped into my head. He's gorgeous. Next up is that he has an amazing sense of humor. Then, he's extremely easy to talk to, so outgoing, courteous and caring and respectful (to those who deserve it...if you're cool, ya know, easy going, not out for drama or anything)...so many reasons why I love him so much.
When we get back from eating, my mother and I, I'm gonna call/text him and see what's up for the day...see if I can't bop on over there for a while...
For now, though, I'm gonna end this before I make it too long.
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