How much longer?

I don't even know! I do know that Independence Day SUCKED! Well, it was okay up until the tornado watch...you know, where they actually at least saw a tornado. Just before the finale! Man...it started raining all hard and stuff, it was SO FUN watching the fireworks in the rain...up until the tornado watch.

In other news, my guy and I are kinda getting closer, but I don't know how much longer I can take this game of his. I asked him just Saturday if he'd ever heard of room mates without the mating part...like roomies...and I said I couldn't grasp why he thinks he needs to be WITH the person he stays with.
He had no answer for anything on that subject.
He was feuding with my girl friend all that day, though. Back and forth between arguing and cuddling. I swear if she doesn't get her shyt together and figure out whether or not she wants to be with him, I'm gonna make that decision for her the way she made it for me...even though I'm extremely unhappy with that...she can bite me if she's unhappy with it.

She should stop trying to punish me for what her friend did, taking her husband away from her.

I don't know how much longer I can handle this. Seeing them together, cuddling and shyt, it's driving me NUTS! I told him that Saturday, too. He said welcome to his world. HA! Phuck your world, baby, I'm crumbling inside AND out...he's just crumbling inside.
I'm guessing that, according to his game, he has to maintain a strong exterior to keep the illusion that he loves her. He fessed up a few times Saturday that he loves me...and one time even said he's still "in love" with me....not just he loves me, he's in love with me still. I'll tell ya, he surprized me at one point with a peck that knocked me for a loop. Man. Heh, then I surprized him with a more sensuous "peck" to the ear and neck...the way I used to make him melt. He called me evil for it and I said "You're evil, can I not have a little fun, too?" Bwahahaha...

If he wants a game...game on...I can play...I just don't know if I can compete....with him, that is. Maybe I don't want to compete. I don't know. I just know I want HER to PHUCK OFF and give me my man back. I never stopped loving him, I never climbed out of the love I fell in for him, and I don't think I can ever stop loving him. I honestly think he is the one for me...she's just in the way right now.
I guess all the conflict we didn't have in the first four months is coming back on us...because this is a HUGE hurdle to jump.
I mean...I know he loves me, he tells me all the time, and he does have a point when he asked me how often we see each other now and how far away we are from each other. When we were actually together, he lived all the way across town and we'd see each other like 5 or 6 times a week....now he lives right around the corner and we see each other every day. The seeing each other every day is partially due to me being so insistant on coming over or hanging out with them now. I didn't hang out with my girl friend this much before or even while going out with him. Now that SHE's with him, I'm insisting on being there every day. Yes, I'm only going over there and hanging with them for him. I will deny it up and down and diagonal and sideways to her, but he knows. She has an inkling, too...I'm pretty sure that he told her about that when they were arguing Saturday morning, because that afternoon she brought it up. Whatever.
Despite all that, I have to trust him. He asked me to that night...I do trust him, I just don't know the rules to his game. I love him too much to not trust him. He just has to realize that it will tear me up from time to time, and I might get a little cranky about it, or depressed, or some shyt, but I still trust him deep down. As long as I love him, I will trust him. That might be one part of what's killing me. Having to trust him, and having to watch her get all over him like they were the best lovers in the world. Truth is, she can't get him off...unless he thinks of me.
Heh...there's that sick and twisted and near sadistic pleasure I get from being between them. She might not think I am, he might only half way realize that I am, but I know I am. He doesn't love her. She thinks she loves him, too, but she will never love him like I do. Just because she gives him a place to stay doesn't mean shyt in this case.

She also has NO clue what she's doing in the relationship. She admitted it right in front of me. She said she's not perfect, she doesn't know what she's doing, she needs help, all that shyt. I think she needs to break off every intimate relationship she has with ANYONE and get some therapy to help her in that ball park...because she needs it. Therapy, counseling, head shrinking, something like that. Then, she can re-evaluate what she wants to do.
I honestly think the father of the baby in her belly should come back...I think they should be together. I know my guy said he would say he's the father if anyone asks, but he doesn't want to. Anyone who knows the two of them will know that this baby is NOT my guy's baby.

He's just painting himself into another corner like he did with his last room mate slash ex girlfriend. She was the exact same way. She had two kids, the latest of which she claimed was his...and it's not. Many many pieces of evidence pointed to another man, not my guy, including the chick yelling out the real father's name during birth.
In those moments, no lie can be uttered by the birthing mother.
He's just setting himself up for more disaster. He doesn't see it. He sees it as a sacrifice he has to make to be closer to me. I told him I'm sacrificing, too. He asked what I meant and I told him that I can't show the affection I want to show because of her...I can't do what I want to because of her...and that's a huge sacrifice with me in this regard. I want to hug him, hold his hand, kiss him, wherever the feeling arises...and I can't because of her. She's my phucking BEST FRIEND and I can't do what I want to and fully be myself around her, because she stole my phucking man. She doesn't even know him, really. I know him more than she does, and I will always know him more than she does unless she actually uses the brain she brags about having to figure him out. I know more of what he likes than she does. I was with him for about 4 1/2 months solid. She's only been with him for around 2 months now.

I'm already sick of this game, even from just thinking about it. I'm gonna go play a better game called somehow rip the heart out of a willing victim. ^_^